#005 - i'm trying to learn that profitability alone does not equate to meaningful work...
+ the ultimate recipe and playlist for your next garden party...
Burn out feels like it is on the horizon for me. It’s been a huge start to the year for myself and for my business. 2024 has also been the year that I have stepped up to the plate in pushing my ‘personal brand’, talking more about business and what I do in my career online and utilising that as a funnel into business development opportunities. The more I research about personal brands and the commodification of our personalities in line with socials, it appears not uncommon for this to often lead to burn out. However, the more I read, it's essential to recognise that this is a systemic issue, not a personal failing. We must reclaim our agency and assert our worth in the face of exploitative market forces.
I’ve always loved writing, ever since I was young. The written word has always held immense significance in my life - something I believe I inherited from my dad. Whenever I find myself grappling with uncertainty, anger, perplexity or lack of control, I find myself turning to words, whether through writing in my journal, writing overly verbose Instagram captions, or picking up a new book. The practice is deeply personal to me, and I’ve harbored aspirations of turning it into a career, or something that I could earn a living off, since my youth. The idea of writing a novel has been sitting dormant in my psyche since pre-Covid and with my current work and life load, I have to keep burying it down.
So, when the opportunity arose for me to start a Substack, this lined up with this personal intention, and growing a platform to maybe, one day, bring professional writing to life (outside of the practice in my PR business). That’s why this Substack is so important to me, and while it might seem like a silly, ego-driven frivolity to many, it is a space where I can write without commercial intent, and keep my ritual refined and hold it dear.
Buuuuuuut… it seems to already be stacking up in my mind as just ‘something else to do’. ‘Write my Substack’ is something that continues to pop up on my work to-do list. And with this, comes the stress and overwhelm at another task… and another thing that maybe I don’t get enjoyment from. When I finally sit down to structure the newsletter and pull it together, the joy is there. But the dread before remains.
I don’t think I am alone in experiencing a sense of detachment from something that is deeply meaningful, due to its unintentional commercialisation. I feel that by taking this time, to invest into something that at its heart, is simply a creative outlet with no other imperatives, is irresponsible. I should be investing all my time in things that can create a profit for myself or my business. I find myself assigning a monetary value to all aspects of my personal life for public consumption… and often, at significant risk of ramification to my sense of self. How can I possibly safeguard the integrity and significance of my precious and vulnerable creative output?
In an insightful essay for The Hedgehog Review, sociology professor Joseph E. Davis delves into the concept of commodification, defining it as the process of transforming personal aspects of our lives into marketable entities, often referred to as "personal branding." This phenomenon involves moulding our identities to fit market demands, all in pursuit of economic gain. While some argue that personal branding fosters self-empowerment, the relentless pressure to conform to market expectations ultimately dehumanises us, eroding our capacity for genuine expression and creativity.
Under the tenets of capitalism, success is measured by profitability, leading us to package our personal lives in a bid to enhance likability and engagement. For a considerable time, my personal identity has been attached to my professional endeavours. I have, both intentionally and unintentionally, marketed myself as a youthful business woman and writer, adept at navigating fast-paced environments… but this has left little room for genuine expression or creativity in my work life, especially as the owner of a creative agency where, at the heart of it, the client always has the final say and the work we produce is confined by budgets, briefs and ideas out of our control. Whenever I run into people, they’re so kind in telling me that “it looks like I am doing so well”, and “everything looks amazing”, and when I start providing them with other life updates… such as the pregnancy and the renovation and rebranding my business and starting a podcast and… well you see my point, most are taken aback at how much I have on my plate. I have had to take a few steps back to understand that they weren’t saying this to be nice, and that yes, I should try and slow down and find more enjoyment in the things I am undertaking. Better yet, I should celebrate each success individually, instead of simply ticking a box and moving onto the next thing that can increase my business revenue. I need to sit with my successes for longer, but instead, I fester within the failings of the business and my life instead.
I am taking some time currently to work on recognising that profitability alone does not equate to meaningful work. As someone who is about to welcome my very first child, I am sure that with my baby girl’s arrival, this will be a very simple equation, becoming abundantly clear without having to do too much thinking on it as is there work that could possibly be more meaningful than a mother’s? But for now, this hasn’t been easy, as the primary bread winner in my family, a baby on the way and a (way over budget) renovation coming to its end. But the balance of happiness and money is imperative. Profitability alone does not equate to meaningful work.
I need to do better at prioritising self-fulfillment, purpose, and significance in other endeavours, and I am trying to do this not just as a worker, but also as an employer of young women.
I’ve spent the past two years of my life being driven by money, the possibility of being richer, ‘more financially free’, and the concept of building generational wealth for my growing family audibly humming away as the engine that drives me forward. And I think this is at the root of all of my exhaustion.
So, this has all just been one very long note to say that I am doing my best currently to work to live, and not the other way around. I’ll let you know if I end up being able to find that balance along the way, but at this point in time, I’m just shit scared. Stay tuned!
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Kinda obsessed with cooking…
I’m currently 25 weeks pregnant, and suffice to say, I have NOT had a good time… like at all. Pregnancy hates me and I hate pregnancy. I’ve slowly started to feel slightly more like myself in the past couple of weeks (or as much as possible), and with that, I’ve taken to cooking again. For the start of this year, I have barely picked up a kitchen utensil, due to both my sickness but also our current renovation which has made our house a bit of a shamozzle.
So, there’s been a few things that I have cooked lately which I have desperately enjoyed the slow process of and also, that I think would be amazing for a winter garden party.
Sooooo — here’s my top three recipes for your next garden party.
Ottolenghi Chicken and Parmesan Soup with Parpadelle — this one is a labour of love, but the slow process is part of the beauty of the recipe. This one would be best for a small family gathering, popping the completed pot of soup in the middle of a table on the lawn for everyone to ladel up and top with trimmings themselves.
Clem Day's Anchovy Roast Chicken With Salsa Verde And Lemony Aioli — I’ve made this many times before for groups of friends and it never misses. Aaaand, I love to team it with…
Baby’s Cabbage and Pea Salad — this is another one I’ve made for friends a lot in the past, and have passed the recipe link on and on and on, from friends who have then passed it on to mums and so on. So, here’s my gift to you. It’s simple, delicious and super cheap to pull together. It keeps REALLY well in the fridge too, which is
Looking to pair with some delicious beverages? Zonzo is perfect to shove in an ice bucket that looks fabulous, verrry Instagrammable and is the perfect welcome drink for guests before everyone sits down for lunch and settles into wine.
My picks? Their Zoncello (limoncello spritz) and they’ve just released a prosecco and peach blend (which I haven’t yet tried due to this silly baby in my belly, but have heard FANTASTIC things about)… they’ll be the first things I pop out for my baby shower in July.
Kinda obsessed with listening to…
The ultimate garden party playlist:
Making playlists for all occasions also used to be something I enjoyed to do in my spare time, but sadly it’s just fallen further down the list. This morning, I took an hour to pull together the ultimate Garden Party playlist in anticipation of our back area being finished and hosting people again! It’s generally just good vibes, so the garden is optional.
Kinda obsessed with reading…
I have a street library out the front of my place which is a great way to get out of the Goodreads / BookTok echo chamber of recommendations, to open up to a bunch of different (see: completely fkn random) books. It’s also been getting more of a workout than ever in the past few months (those cost of living feels). These are a couple that I have picked up from my street library lately that were well worth the read:
Cutters End by Margaret Hickey — for anyone who loves an Australian outback whodunit style thriller, fans of The Dry or any Jane Harper novels would definitely enjoy this.
Notes On A Scandal by Zoe Heller — I watched this movie years and years ago and remember being completely overwhelmed by the concept (probably not a good one to watch when you’re 16 or so), and the book didn’t let me down either.
Angels by Marian Keyes — an Irish woman leaves her marriage to head to Los Angeles to hang out with her best friend who works in Hollywood. Easy reading with lots of great themes.
My Darling Daughter by JP Delaney — a psychological thrilled by the same author of The Girl Before. A good beach read if you’re looking for something to churn through in a quick couple of days.
PS — if you’re a big reader, follow me on Goodreads here! I log every single book I read (as well as audiobooks I listen to… don’t @ me). I love seeing what other people read too so please add me so I can get even more inspo!
A final remark…
A TikTok of mine went viral about a month ago, amassing tens of millions of views across several platforms.
I felt a lot of guilt for accidentally commodifying my team members and using them for what can be seen as personal gain (particularly Lulu — soz about the angles doll)… and it’s definitely taught me a few lessons around content licensing and asking for consent before posting things on social media.
I think that if it’s taught me anything, I would be terrible at being famous. I heard Megan Fox talking about the online lynch mobs being modern day versions of witch hunts, and burning people at the stake on a recent Call Her Daddy episode. I thought it was a really powerful metaphor, and not one that I had thought of so literally before.
From my tiny, tiny taste of viral content, I actually can say I am so grateful to not be a person in the spotlight. People online are so mean, everyone seemingly has an opinion (and an uneducated one at that). People jump to conclusions and make out of context assumptions. So, this is just your message to always remember to be kind. And please, just stay out of comment sections — it makes you look like a fucking idiot and people are laughing at you. Keep your bitching to DMs.
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and with that, friends, I’ll see you next time.
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