#011 - the politics of female ambition
+ people I'm stalking online and a winter wardrobe wishlist...
It has been a while since I sent out a Substack, and a lot has been going on in the world (the wider world and my own). I put a lot of pressure on myself to make these a standard frequency but with a 10-month old at home and a business, it just isn’t feasible. That said, I’ve been stuck inside all weekend with a baby and a husband with a bad case of gastro, and with that comes a lot of thinking, so in between cleaning up nappies, baby vomit, changing Bonds zippies every three minutes, I have been doom scrolling and spiralling into my thoughts, and so decided a good way to come back into myself is to jump on here and create something.
I’ve been trying to get back to myself lately after a rough pregnancy and rough postpartum. I’m trying to return to the gym (we are working with Power Moves pilates at the moment and I am loving their classes), I’ve been getting into contrast therapy (lol - who am I?), also thanks to a new client, TH7, and listening to a bunch of podcasts again, after a bit of a hiatus.
I’ve listened to some podcasts from female founders I admire, and with that, there has been a bit of narrative around about ‘building in public’, in terms of business. Alongside this, there’s been a recurring conversation in my group chats lately that I’ve noticed. Zoe Foster Blake. Not in the usual "OMG, love her skin serum" kind of way — more like, “I don’t know, I just find her kind of… off now?” Everyone agrees, no one can pinpoint why. It’s not a scandal, it’s a vibe. Except… maybe we do know. Maybe we’ve just been conditioned to feel a certain type of way when a woman builds something huge, owns her ambition, and succeeds — loudly. We just saw Hailey Bieber sell Rhode for $1B USD, and while there’s many cheering on from the sidelines, the nepo baby narrative is rolling in thick and fast. This week, we also saw Taylor Swift buy back her masters, and again, the narrative around her being greedy has quickly swept through the internet, asking why she can never have ‘enough’? As though it wasn’t her music to begin with?
I learnt from a young age that women who go for what they want will be judged. They’ll be too much. And if they succeed? Even worse… because the world will quietly and collectively wait for them to fall.
It’s the same feeling that surrounds any females who can be seen to be trying. Living through the female founder takedowns of 2020 was like watching a firing squad move house by house, waiting to see whose door was next. I couldn’t understand it at the time… the glee with which it was happening. Yes, some of these women made terrible decisions. Some treated staff poorly (and yes, that is unacceptable). But as someone who has met and read about dozens of male founders… many of whom display far worse traits, including deep narcissism, financial recklessness, racism, abusive behaviour, I couldn’t understand why it was only the women who were burned at the stake. It didn’t feel like a reckoning. It felt like a purge. Male founders who display the same levels of mismanagement or narcissism (and often, worse)? They were still on panels. Still raising capital. Still thriving.
There was blood in the water. The newsletter the New Consumer called the genre “girlboss gotcha” exposés, “where female founders get publicly flogged for managerial flaws that range, depending on the situation, from petty nonsense to securities fraud. These stories perform well for their publications, are seen as ‘telling truth to power,’ and occasionally serve the broader public— see: Theranos—so they’ll continue to be published.”
That sickness, the excitement to watch a female built empire fall… it still lingers. I’ve seen some narrative online recently about a particular creative agency in Melbourne. One day: glowing testimonials about what a dream opportunity it is. The next: TikToks about workplace trauma. I’m not dismissing those experiences. But I am asking… are we so afraid of women being good at business? At balancing power with compassion, decisiveness and decision making with empathy?
And it made me think: did we really kill the girlboss — or did we just rebrand the takedown?
In her 2023 piece Where Have All the Girlbosses Gone?, Delia Cai writes about the arc of this cultural moment. The rise, the fall, the strange vacuum it’s left behind. She notes how the term “girlboss” started as ironic reclamation, mutated into cringe corporate speak, and then died under the weight of its own contradictions — ambitious, but feminine; empowered, but self-effacing; a CEO, but not too much. The thing is: the girlboss didn’t fail because her companies weren’t viable. She failed because we decided she was unlikeable. And that was enough.
We’ve seen the same narrative begin to surround Matilda Djerf, and in just the past few weeks, the Odd Muse founder — both young, ambitious, successful. Both now being subjected to dissected Reddit threads, TikTok analyses, whisper campaigns. The “I loved working with them… until I didn’t” speculative carousel posts. The same ones who were once championed as brand visionaries are suddenly being recast as manipulative, calculating, “toxic.” The glow-up becomes a witch hunt. It’s happened before, it’s happening again.
Building your business in public is having a serious moment, thanks in part to these women who have paved the way before us, and paid the price. But it feels like we’re still punishing women for being seen. Because the reality is… you can get everything you ever wanted, and still lose it all, for reasons beyond your control. It’s terrifying. It’s devastating, and it keeps many of us small.
I’ve experience it in miniature… going through my business website analytics lately and seeing a huge spike in anonymous traffic from a local gossip website (the source of which I still cannot find), but it felt like a strange little breadcrumb trail of bitterness. Last year, when our PR Assistant posted on TikTok that we were looking for an intern (a position we by far and wide get more applications for than any other in the business), a Facebook group that serves as a gossip forum for ‘tea’ tried to take us down saying we were illegally hiring and exploiting young professionals. And honestly? I get it. I’ve judged too, and I have loved to judge. But I also know now how hard this is. How much effort it takes to run a business, grow a team, hit your goals, stay kind, stay decent, give yourself grace, make time for your friends and family. You’re juggling expectations across so many avenues — team, clients, culture, revenue, stakeholders, collaborators. One person’s motivation is another person’s micromanagement. One person’s structure is another person’s oppression.
And all the while, you feel the red laser dots on your forehead from them all, and now for those building on a larger scale, anonymous accounts, waiting to pull receipts and tell you how you could have done better, done more.
So here’s my message to the ones watching from the sidelines, drafting their subtweets: I know what jealousy feels like. I know the shame of comparison. But tearing someone down will never make you feel better about your own life. Healing doesn’t come from Reddit threads or TikTok call-outs. It comes from doing something — anything — that makes you proud of yourself.
I still do believe in ambition. In creating. In showing up and trying — even when it’s scary. The only thing that’s ever worked for me is putting my head down and doing something that makes me proud. It’s the only thing that shifts the noise. So maybe we could just… let women be good at things? Even if we don’t totally understand them. Even if they cringe us out sometimes. Even if they have too many matching sets from DISSH and too-perfect kitchen renovations, or start every TikTok video with a saying that annoys you. Maybe not everyone is harmful.
Let them try. Let them win. Let them fail or fuck up. Let it not be the end of the world.
Kinda obsessed with reading…
As a publicist, I have a soft spot for a well-written celebrity profile, not just because I am obsessed with how people perform their well crafted narrative, but also because I love to think about what went on behind the scenes to get said celebrity profile to publication. How many emails between the journalist and the publicist went down? How many questions were vetoed? I love when a journalist is expert enough to toe the line between addressing the nuances of these profiles (that obviously, it’s there to make the celebrity look ace), but also showcases the behind the scenes of it all (beautifully showcased in Kylie Jenner’s profile in Dazed, where the journalist makes mention of any Timothee Chalamet questions being strictly off limits). The best profiles crack open a little piece of someone’s media training and let something real fall out. Or they double down on the myth-making, which is sometimes even juicier. Either way, I treat these like case studies in personal branding, tone, control, and vulnerability. My faves from this week:
Leighton Meester for Bustle – nothing radical, just a lovely read and a reminder that she's underrated, but I think we will be seeing much more of her soon (a shame that it took her husband taking back the spotlight to get her here but who knows, maybe she planned it this way).
Kylie Jenner for Dazed – say what you want, but Kylie really is the original baddie and definitely the most interesting of the Kardashian family (Kris Jenner aside, obviously).
Jenna Ortega for Harper’s Bazaar – a lesson in picking your projects, and your persona. All I’m going to say is, thank GOD she decided to be Wednesday in the end.
Kinda obsessed with purchasing…
Unlike last year, I won’t be heavily pregnant this winter, and as such, I would prefer not to look like a cute marshmallow this time around. I’m starting to curate my winter wardrobe already (hello, selling jeans that don’t fit and replacing them with ones that do so I don’t go down my 174th post partum body crisis), and these are the six things that I’m coveting to round out my winter wardrobe…
Oversized Blazer - Bershka (from The Iconic)
A versatile piece that can be dressed up or down, perfect for layering over knitwear.Black Leather Boots - DOF Studios (from Filly’s Stable)
These just might be the perfect winter boot.Carhartt WIP OG Detroit Jacket - (from ASOS)
I have no reason to buy another jacket, given I live in Queensland, but I love the quality of Carhatt things and this white one would just go with so much. It’s on sale at ASOS at the moment, so snap it up while you can.Gem Gold Watch - Laphont
My watch has been broken for a while and sitting in my bedside drawer, and this one is such a cute way to personalise / funk up an outfit and is super well priced.Denim Jumpsuit - ZARA
A one-piece wonder. Difficult to pee in, yes, but easy to look put together in. Add a studded belt and a pair of heels and you’re good to go.American Vintage Pink Sweater - (from Milc. Homewares)
Again, I have absolutely no business buying another sweater but this fluro pink bad boy is making it hard to resist. If you’ve never felt an American Vintage piece of clothing before either… they are wildly soft.
Kinda obsessed with stalking…
I’m always on the lookout for creators who genuinely bring something to the table… whether it’s style inspiration, clever commentary, or just a refreshing take on the internet. I found myself hate following so many aspirational influencers who were skinnier, richer and seemingly more adventurous and chic than I’d ever be, and it just wasn’t productive. Now, I seek out people, not because they’re perfect or polished, but because they consistently make me think, laugh, or want to save something to a Pinterest board. I guess the one thing they all have in common is just doing their thing in a way that feels generous. If you’re finding that your algorithm or social feeds are a bit of a drag lately (or that the comparison is simply killing you), I highly suggest a good old audit of who you’re following, and replace them with people who add true value. Social media can be a beautiful place, you just have to curate it to your interests. Here’s a few people I have been going back to time and time again lately:
Alison Hope Murray - there are so many reasons I love Alison’s content, but mostly because we have similiar style, she has THE BEST HAIR EVER and so I want to hear ALL the tips, and because she is realistic about being a mum and how you don’t have to do it all AND be a size six.
@alisonhopemurrayComfort is queen! What I wore to a couple of meetings last week. As kinda corporate as I ever need to get hopefully. Sometimes these trousers fit and sometimes they don’t but I bloody love them and I will wear them until they fall apart at the seams. Whether the zip does up or not. They are from a brand that sadly doesn’t exist any more called Meadows but their sister brand @LFMARKEY is very much alive and well if you’re looking for an independent British brand. Chocolate brown blazer is from @Jillian Boustred and the check is from @Everlane. Shoes are from @LOEWE at @Bicester Village and bag is @JW Anderson #ootd #midsizefashion #everydaystyle
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Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browserAmelia Lee aka @badgalammy – the girls in the office will know that I am currently on The Iconic train… finding so many good gems on there and ALWAYS on sale. My secret weapon to finding the best on The Iconic? Amelia Lee, she’s a buyer for the Iconic and shares all her fave new pieces and brands on her TikTok. Doing God’s work. Also, the generous queen always shares her discount code…
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Lauren Ireland – I discovered Lauren Ireland as a creator thanks to a recent episode I listened to of Hot Smart Rich, and as I mentioned above, I loooove following along with female founders, particularly those who are millennials and still putting themselves out there on platforms like TikTok despite the cringe of it all. Lauren is a co-founder of Summer Friday’s and shows up authentically and she is hands down a fave comfort creator for me now.
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that’s it from me this week.
If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of the jealousy guillotine — or accidentally started sharpening the blade — I hope this one hits.
Forward it to a friend who’s building something brave. Or reply and tell me who you're kinda obsessed with online. Just... don’t start a Tattle.Life thread about me, okay? Thank you again for being here and for reading.
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Obsessed with all of this! I always say the people doing better than you are never the ones judging or leaving nasty comments xx